Friday, December 30, 2005 

Holy Crap is funny!

So, I was channel surfing the other day and came across the Trinity Broadcasting Network. I had previous knowledge of what this channel was all about, Christianity and how much money the hosts need to buy fabulous island homes in order to honor god, which is probably why i'd never watched it before. Anyway, I thought that I would check it out for a few minutes after hearing about it through the Atheistic grapevine. Those few minutes turned into an hour and a half of non-stop, stomach-busting laughter.

Just when you think you've witnessed some of the more perplexing things in life, BAM! Something like this pops up out of nowhere. There was this woman, at least I think it was a woman, with a gigantic head of hair that is almost defies further description. It seemed to change colors as though it had some bioluminescent properties too. So, I ended up l listening to this talking hair-monster quote scripture for awhile. Heh, honestly, she looks like she had a bleached Muppet on her head. I wonder if it's done in order to please her god in some way?

The point being, these people are fucking crazy. Funny but, ultimately, fucking crazy. They keep asking for money left and right, only stopping to breathe and quote scripture. The guy who was sitting next to the hair thingy had this awkward smile plastered onto his face as though he'd just gotten through reading the 10 Hottest Toys for Little Boys in his lastest copy of Pedophile Weekly or something. They both looked sick, and sounded worse.

I laughed, looked on in astonishment, marveled at how organized their stupidity was, and found a new lifeform sitting atop someone's head. Maybe Christians have finally given up trying to maintain their facade of looking sane? 'Cause they certainly don't sound sane.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 

Breaking News: Woogiforkus discovered!

Some of the virtues of Woogiforkus as told to me by quasi reliable tribesmen from some island that may or may not be real:

Woogiforkus knows more than you do.
Woogiforkus had more sex than you did in high school.
Woogiforkus is taller than everyone.
Woogiforkus watches you always; even in the bathroom.
Woogiforkus has seen every movie ever made.
Woogiforkus would sweep the leg too.
Woogiforkus is shorter than everyone.
Woogiforkus thrives off sacrifice.
Woogiforkus can jump over Mt. Everest in a single bound.
Woogiforkus is better than you at Halo 2.
Woogiforkus shot Tupac.

How could such a thing exist? Scientists all over the world are scrambling to find answers. It looks like we're just going to have to change our way of life in order to cope with the awesomeness of Woogiforkus.

More to come.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005 

Taking the Christ out of Christmas

It's time to delve into the origins of Christmas.

First, let's start off by listing some fallacies:
  • December 25th is Jesus Christ's birthday.
  • The Christmas tree is Christian.
  • The gift giving is inspired by St. Nicholas.
  • The Yule log, holly, mistletoe are all of Christian origin.

Those four are specifically recognized by Christians as part of their celebration of the first bullet-point. Now, several media types call what I am doing right now part of the "War on Christmas". Ok, so be it. However, i'll hop on a different side of this issue. Christmas is an Atheistic celebration. It's origin has no ties to any "gods" or "divine inspiration". In essence, what all of you Christians are doing is celebrating a Pagan tradition of observing the winter solstice.

The origins of Christmas, as we know it today, stem from long standing Pagan observatiosn of the winter solstice. Meaning when the sun is at it's southernmost point. Cultures have observed this time of the year long before the Christians even thought about tieing this into their belief structure. In fact, the Bible specifically warns against celebrating these traditions of "heathen/wordly" nations:

Hear ye the word which the LORD speaketh unto you, O house of Israel: Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people [are] vain: for [one] cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not. They [are] upright as the palm tree, but speak not: they must needs be borne, because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil, neither also [is it] in them to do good.
-
Jeremiah 10:1-5

So, by celebrating Christmas with a tree and adorning it with shiny object, you are thereby going against a direct order from your Bible. All of these traditions were the direct result of Christianity trying to widen it's base. Christians weren't large enough in numbers to simply stomp out all of the Germanic/Scandinavian Pagan tribes of the time. So, they essentially pulled a fast one over them instead. These Germanic tribes celebrated the winter solstice, as well as several other Pagan cultures of the time did. When Christians came rolling in, they told a little white lie in that they observed a "holiday" at the same time but it had more of a meaning than a simple location of the Sun in the sky. So, the tribes of Germania and Scandinavia thought that they really wouldn't be sacrificing any of their traditions if they went along with this Christianity thing. After all, it had the benefit of undefined creator worship to boot while not trampling over their existing traditions!

As for the December 25th thing, well, this was taken from the worship of the Persian deity Mithra(a god of light and truth, Sun god). Though it wasn't directly taken from Persian culture, that is where Mirthaism began, in the Middle East. Instead, Christians took this aspect of Pagan culture from Roman legions with whom Mithra was wildly popular around 200 A.D. It just so happened that Mithra's day of birth was December 25th. So, in an effort to gain even more acceptance, the fledgling religion added December 25th as the day of Christ's birth. I'd speculate that this was done in order to confuse the masses by blurring the lines between the two religions. Christianity eventually won the Roman people over. There is no mention in any Christian text as to the specific date of Jesus Christ's birth.

On to the gift-giving. The Nordic people's held that their god Thor chose Yule(observation of the winter solstice) as a time to deliver presents. He did so by enlisting the help of his two flying goats Gnasher and Crasher to pull his sled full of presents. Thor became known as "Klaus of the cinders", aka Sinter Klaus(the inspiration for Father Christmas) because people believed he would get singed walking through all of the Yule log's/winter fires. You can safely lump the other traditions I named, holly and mistletoe, with Yule. Nevermind that gift giving wasn't even popular amongst Christians until a little over 100 years ago.

In conclusion, there is zero reason, or evidence, for Christians to observe Christmas. In fact, the bible warns against it. Yet, here they are every year on television trying to stir up shit about people attacking "Christmas". Every year, in their homes, huddling around Pagan trees watching the Pope give a midnight mass. As with most cases involving Christians and the Bible, it's one giant contradiction after another.

So, I say to you Christians: Merry Christsmas, Happy Chanukah, and Happy Coldest Day of the Year(for Muslims). Feel free to worship your meaningless, undefined deity on this Atheistic holiday. After all, it's simply a collection of stolen traditions from Pagan religions that most likely had their roots in a celebration of the Sun's position in the sky.

One more thing for you Christians, HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS! Is that not the most pathetic thing to get upset about? Further proof that the puppeteers behind the U.S. media have nothing else to do except divide the country at every possible crossroad; furthering the ochestrated society we live in today.

Friday, December 16, 2005 

The U.S. Senate has a brain?

No, seriously, they do? I mean, a partially functional one, right?

Well, apparently they do. Today the U.S. Senate voted down extensions on two of the more controversial sections of Patriot Act I & II.

Associated Press Link to the story.

Granted, it was narrowly defeated, which is still disheartening, but at least it's something. The two parts of the Patriot Acts that were not renewed are "roving wiretaps" and "secret warrants for books, records and other items from businesses, hospitals and organizations such as libraries".

After thinking about this a bit more, I wonder if this will really mean anything at all? There are so many black projects and secret operations taking place on this planet that it wouldn't shock me if nothing has changed after this Senate vote. If whoever is pulling the strings behind our government wants something to happen, it will happen.

Monday, December 05, 2005 

March for Israel, Months for Iran

Recently, Israel has publically stated that it will be forced to take action against Iran if their nuclear prolifiration maintains it's "full speed ahead" approach. They've set an arbitrary date of March 2006 as to when this action will take place.

This, of course, was prior to information coming to light that Russia has plans to sell Iran some key components to upgrade their missile defense systems with the Tor M-1; used to shoot down any incoming attacks on Iran's nuclear facilities presumably. And if you ascribe to various news reports coming out of Israel, Iran can have a fully functioning nuke within months provided they've kept their promise of continuing to enrich uranium at undisclosed locations.

The "How the World Ends" script is seemingly past the halfway marker. I hope everyone's eyes and ears are beginning to focus on the 500llb gorilla that has been sitting in each and every one of our living rooms for the past 50 years. A live action, massively scaled, macabre play with millions of lives hanging in the balance.

Not buying it, eh? Think whatever side of the isle you are on will save the day? Well, let's knock that barrier down because they're one in the same. Al Gore (remember him? heh) signed a secret agreement, at the time, with Russia in 1995 that stated Russia would not get in trouble(sanctions) for any and all not so nice things it sold to Iran up to 1999. In other words, their record would get expunged for being devious bastards. Nevermind that we had an Iraq-Iran non-prolifiration agreement in place that was in direct conflict with Gore's little deal.

Then there is Presidente Bush, our shining example of American sub-mediocrity to the world. This genius flat out said no to Israel when they requested help with Iranian nuclear disarmament in 2000. Fast-forward to Feb. 2005 - Bush lets it slip in a press conference that the U.S. would back Israel if they had to attack Iran. Only to revert to his standard issue diplomacy rhetoric a few questions later. Either way, his administration's actions wouldn't quell the veritable Pandora's Box in that region.

The writing is on the wall.

If I were you, which I am, having a plan to permanently leave where ever you are situated and a few duffle bags filled with the bare necessities to sustain human life, which I do, at hand would be pertinent.

Verily I say unto thee(Haha, had to type that at least once in this blog) : These are most definately Twisted Times.

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